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Black Cloud

February 2nd, 2016 at 06:58 pm

The past year and a half have involved this black cloud of horrible events in our family. We have had a significant number of deaths including our infant daughter and a suicide in our family. We recently found out our dog has bone cancer. Very upsetting. He is only 11, but also has a tumor in his liver.

Our most recent IVF cycle appeared at first to be a boon with 20 eggs retrieved; however, none made it to the elusive blastocyst stage. This is the second cycle with such a result. We are regrouping, possibly trying naturally and hoping we would a) actually get pregnant and b) our child would fall into the 75% unaffected category. We have also scheduled consultations with two other prestigious IVF clinics. Lastly, I'm going to work to get us on the list to foster or possibly adopt.

What is worst about this scenario is really the embryology lab. The second cycle, the lab director called and stated our two embryos were at the morula stage and they expected (her words, not mine) them to reach blastocyst. Neither did.

This cycle, I received an extremely inappropriate and negative (i.e. lacking any sort of bedside manner) phone call from the laboratory nurse. Not exactly sure the call was warranted or necessary. She was unbelievably rude and incited near panic and depression in me. I'm a realist and had already been worried about the negative possibilities, but she threw me off a cliff. We meet with our reproductive endocrinologist next week. I intend to be very frank with her regarding my opinion of their embryology lab.

To face such heartache after losing our daughter is insurmountable to say the least. I feel we have this black cloud circling over our lives. I love my home life. We have a wonderful loving family. We just wanted to add another personality to the mix Frown

4 Responses to “Black Cloud”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Not to discount your feelings which are completely valid, but I would be careful characterizing the future as one with a black cloud. Our thoughts are powerful. Use them for good! My sister and her husband adopted a 9 year old girl. Definitely an adjustment, but they are very happy with their daughter. And she is happy with them!

  2. Jenn Says:

    A virtual hug for you...

    Though we were infertile for years and had unsuccessful artificial inseminations, we never tried IVF or lost a baby. That is really tough. Take care of yourself. Keep appreciating the blessings you have. Going through tough times makes the good times that much better, and you'll be stronger too.

  3. PatientSaver Says:

    Great advice from creditcardfree, and I agree with her. While this may feel horrible for you, please be assured others must face similar circumstances. It is unfortunate your tough times seem to have come at you all at once. As she said, not trying to discount your feelings by saying that, but just to put it in a different, perhaps more emotionally manageable perspective. That being said, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't imagine what that must be like.IVF must be an emotional roller coaster, and very costly. While I understand the desire to conceive your own child, I also think adoption is a wonderful thing; there are so many children who desperately need a loving family.

  4. MonkeyMama Says:

    So sorry to read this. We have a relative who went through several miscarriages and failed IVFs. Medical Doctors and staff can work on their bedside manners and empathy, for sure. Just makes a bad situation that much worse. That said, our relative did foster-to-adopt two siblings from newborn age and eventually had a biological child from a surrogate. It's not an easy road but you will figure it out.

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